Skip to main content

Four years ago...

Exactly four years ago today, I began my blogging journey at Blue-Eyed Breather. I started the blog at one of the lowest times in my life. In January of 2012, I had a severe bout of depression. Between the newness of college fading away, being alone in a single dorm room for health reasons, having some trust issues stemming from high school friendships gone awry, dealing with the reality of CF in a city far from family, and then starting a new medication for digestion called Reglan that can have severe neurological side effects, my body couldn't take it anymore, and I broke down. As a fierce, independent, intelligent woman, I thought I had to push through and stay strong. I thought if I prayed hard enough, everything would return to normal. But the harder I tried to remain steady, the faster I seemed to fall. I would cry on a regular basis and not really know why (this coming from a girl who cries maybe once a month...maybe). I longed for home, and when I would leave Austin, I would be full of dread heading back to school. Finally, one Friday, I called my mom sobbing. She insisted I come home for the weekend so we could talk and figure out what was going on. We immediately stopped the Reglan after researching the drug and seeing how it can alter the chemicals in your brain and cause severe depression. Although that helped a little bit, I was far too deep in the pit to think all was fine again. People with CF (or any chronic illness) are significantly more likely than the healthy population to deal with depression at some point in life. I decided I needed to see a counselor in Waco on a regular basis to talk through the trust issues, the fear of rejection I dealt with whenever I told people about my CF, and the anxiety I had when thinking about the future with CF. I also was prescribed an anti-depressant to help my brain chemicals become balanced again. After some time, I started to feel like myself. I started to enjoy school again and want to be at Baylor. I started getting out of my comfort zone and hanging out with new friends. I started opening up to others about my struggles and not fearing their reactions. Even though those few months were some of the lowest in my life, I felt my roots in Christ grow deeper and my desire to know Him and love Him explode. Through the storm, I can say with confidence He was with me. On March 11, 2012, I decided to start a blog that would be an outlet for me to write my thoughts and experiences. I've always felt that writing is the way I best express myself, and I knew it would help me to have a place to keep my random thoughts. I also thought that this blog could reach people in some way, and maybe, just maybe, someone else could relate to me. If you've kept up with my blog, you know that I write about CF, but I also write about my journey through life as a woman, daughter, friend, sister, and student. I may have CF, but my life is certainly not defined by it, and I hope that comes across on my blog. I hope and pray this blog has touched some of you in some way and has encouraged you that you are not alone and that God loves you deeply. Thank you for a great four years, blogging community!


Popular posts from this blog

Exciting news!!

It's been awhile since I've written a blog post. This semester has been busy--not only because of school stuff, but also because of exciting life things. About a month ago, the most amazing man got down on one knee and asked me to marry him! And of course, I said yes!

Honestly, there were times that I questioned if I would ever marry someone. Living with cystic fibrosis is hard. Choosing to be with someone with cystic fibrosis is almost crazy. Think about it; I am not a normal 23 year old. I have to plan and plan and plan to make sure I fit breathing treatments, exercise, and eating into my schedule. When I travel, I have to take a crazy amount of stuff with me--my Vest, nebulizers, compressor, pills, inhaled medication, puffers, and snacks. I have to make sure I sleep 8-9 hours a night because my body uses more energy than most, and I need sleep to fight infection. I have to have a course of IVs at least twice a year. It's hard to be spontaneous and adventurous because CF…

End of semester update

The past few weeks have been rough.

I got a cold about 3 weeks ago. No big deal, right? I hadn't gotten a cold in 10 months, which is basically a record for me. Surely my body could fight a cold off. Boy, was I wrong. After a week of fighting the cold, I started running a high fever and felt like a truck had run me over. I finally called the doctor for some reinforcements and started on an oral antibiotic and a course of steroids. Meanwhile, my school semester had just picked up, and I was down to the last 2 weeks of school. I had to finish a research paper, take 2 finals, write a final progress report for my practicum, and give really good, productive therapy. After 4 days on the antibiotic and steroids (Monday with one week of school left), I still was feeling crummy. I checked my oxygen and noticed that it was low--running at about 90-94%. I'm pretty positive the cold had turned into pneumonia. Even walking from my bedroom to my living room made me winded. It took me two-th…

A note to incoming college freshman

Recently, I was talking to a young woman who will be starting her freshman year of college in August. She didn't ask for my advice, but I gave it anyway. I tend to do that sometimes--blame my desire to help other people succeed as best as I can, I guess. Anyway, that got me thinking, what would I write if I were completely honest and vulnerable with incoming college freshman? What would I tell them that no one else seems to tell them? My freshman year was only 5 years ago, so my memories are still fresh. I came up with a list of things I found out to be true my freshman year. They may not all be true for you, but I hope and pray you gain some insight out of the lessons I learned.

1. Join a church and get plugged in to a small group. This should be your first order of business the minute you step on campus. Besides, you know, finding your dorm room and where all your classes are. Getting in a small group was literally the best thing I did freshman year. Not only did I start forming…