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Over planning

I put pretty much every detail of my life in a calendar--my workout routine, my class assignments, my appointments and medical needs, even my social "hang out" times. Call me crazy, but it makes me excited to organize my life. When my many to-do lists are made and calendars created, I feel like I can breathe easy. Part of this is because of my personality. My mom is an organizer, and I definitely take after her. I'm WAY more productive when I have a plan of action, and I love this efficiency. A little organization never hurt anyone, right?? I also know that I am more organized because of having to balance CF with daily life. I have to manage my time wisely so that I can do breathing treatments, get enough sleep, eat enough calories, exercise, go to school, spend time with friends and family, mature in my spiritual life, get homework done, and maybe (just maybe) have some downtime. Planning has been key to my life thus far.

But here's the problem. 

I am not very good at being spontaneous and following my gut instinct. I think through every single step of every single decision I make. I over plan and over think and over analyze, and frankly, it can be exhausting. Then, when my plans go haywire, my mindset is shaken, and I'm at a loss for my next move. Since coming to college, God has been showing me time after time that I should not be living life holding onto the reigns so tightly. Seriously, when does life ever go exactly as planned? (Hint: the answer is NEVER). When I am controlled by my schedule, I don't make time for people, instead becoming so focused on task-accomplishments that I forget about caring for friends and family and building those relationships.

I will never be the kind of person who will just go with the flow and hang loose. My calendar will still hang in a prominent place in my room, and deadlines and appointments will never really surprise me. There's nothing wrong with staying on top of activities and keeping life somewhat organized.  However, I don't want to be so consumed with keeping to my schedule that I miss the opportunities God has placed in my life to enjoy the presence of other people and shower others with His love. My prayer this year is that God would show me how to let go of my preconceived ideas of my "perfect" schedule and let Him be fully and completely in control. I desire to follow Christ in everything I do, not an earthly schedule or some plan I devised. May God teach me flexibility and trust this upcoming semester!

Comments

  1. Good luck making your adjustments! Me, on the other hand, I tend to be a UNDER PLANNER. The reasons why this is so are very personal and complicated, just as, I'd expect, your reasons are for over planning. Sometimes, I think the reason I under plan is because once I start planning, I tend to go into the exhausting over think/over analyze mode you write about, so instead of getting myself riled up, I drop the whole thing and don't get things done! Trying to adjust these patterns can be interesting in that you are forced to, maybe, understand yourself a little better. I take a more pyschological approach than you, but I'm unsure of how much you can really ever truly figure yourself out. I'm not religious, but I can understand you asking for help, for God, to give you guidance here. Because, again, I'm skeptical about how much power we have to change on our own!

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