Skip to main content

Over planning

I put pretty much every detail of my life in a calendar--my workout routine, my class assignments, my appointments and medical needs, even my social "hang out" times. Call me crazy, but it makes me excited to organize my life. When my many to-do lists are made and calendars created, I feel like I can breathe easy. Part of this is because of my personality. My mom is an organizer, and I definitely take after her. I'm WAY more productive when I have a plan of action, and I love this efficiency. A little organization never hurt anyone, right?? I also know that I am more organized because of having to balance CF with daily life. I have to manage my time wisely so that I can do breathing treatments, get enough sleep, eat enough calories, exercise, go to school, spend time with friends and family, mature in my spiritual life, get homework done, and maybe (just maybe) have some downtime. Planning has been key to my life thus far.

But here's the problem. 

I am not very good at being spontaneous and following my gut instinct. I think through every single step of every single decision I make. I over plan and over think and over analyze, and frankly, it can be exhausting. Then, when my plans go haywire, my mindset is shaken, and I'm at a loss for my next move. Since coming to college, God has been showing me time after time that I should not be living life holding onto the reigns so tightly. Seriously, when does life ever go exactly as planned? (Hint: the answer is NEVER). When I am controlled by my schedule, I don't make time for people, instead becoming so focused on task-accomplishments that I forget about caring for friends and family and building those relationships.

I will never be the kind of person who will just go with the flow and hang loose. My calendar will still hang in a prominent place in my room, and deadlines and appointments will never really surprise me. There's nothing wrong with staying on top of activities and keeping life somewhat organized.  However, I don't want to be so consumed with keeping to my schedule that I miss the opportunities God has placed in my life to enjoy the presence of other people and shower others with His love. My prayer this year is that God would show me how to let go of my preconceived ideas of my "perfect" schedule and let Him be fully and completely in control. I desire to follow Christ in everything I do, not an earthly schedule or some plan I devised. May God teach me flexibility and trust this upcoming semester!


  1. Good luck making your adjustments! Me, on the other hand, I tend to be a UNDER PLANNER. The reasons why this is so are very personal and complicated, just as, I'd expect, your reasons are for over planning. Sometimes, I think the reason I under plan is because once I start planning, I tend to go into the exhausting over think/over analyze mode you write about, so instead of getting myself riled up, I drop the whole thing and don't get things done! Trying to adjust these patterns can be interesting in that you are forced to, maybe, understand yourself a little better. I take a more pyschological approach than you, but I'm unsure of how much you can really ever truly figure yourself out. I'm not religious, but I can understand you asking for help, for God, to give you guidance here. Because, again, I'm skeptical about how much power we have to change on our own!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

CF limits

I was always told I could do anything.

That CF couldn't stop me.

That, even though my day to day life looked a little different with treatments and pills and hospitalizations, I could still be "normal".

I'm finding out now that's not necessarily the case.

Growing up, I knew I was different, but I still functioned like a normal kid. The only time I remember CF limiting me was my freshman and sophomore years in high school. My doctor, mom, and I made the decision to sit out of marching band my freshman year and to keep me on the sidelines running the metronome and helping how I could without actually participating my sophomore year. Junior year I was finally able to join marching band, and my senior year I was a drum major, so CF didn't limit me that much by the end of it all. I finished college in four years with a major, a minor, honors, and summa cum laude. I am in grad school now and will graduate on time summa cum laude with my masters in speech pathology.…

Exciting news!!

It's been awhile since I've written a blog post. This semester has been busy--not only because of school stuff, but also because of exciting life things. About a month ago, the most amazing man got down on one knee and asked me to marry him! And of course, I said yes!

Honestly, there were times that I questioned if I would ever marry someone. Living with cystic fibrosis is hard. Choosing to be with someone with cystic fibrosis is almost crazy. Think about it; I am not a normal 23 year old. I have to plan and plan and plan to make sure I fit breathing treatments, exercise, and eating into my schedule. When I travel, I have to take a crazy amount of stuff with me--my Vest, nebulizers, compressor, pills, inhaled medication, puffers, and snacks. I have to make sure I sleep 8-9 hours a night because my body uses more energy than most, and I need sleep to fight infection. I have to have a course of IVs at least twice a year. It's hard to be spontaneous and adventurous because CF…

End of semester update

The past few weeks have been rough.

I got a cold about 3 weeks ago. No big deal, right? I hadn't gotten a cold in 10 months, which is basically a record for me. Surely my body could fight a cold off. Boy, was I wrong. After a week of fighting the cold, I started running a high fever and felt like a truck had run me over. I finally called the doctor for some reinforcements and started on an oral antibiotic and a course of steroids. Meanwhile, my school semester had just picked up, and I was down to the last 2 weeks of school. I had to finish a research paper, take 2 finals, write a final progress report for my practicum, and give really good, productive therapy. After 4 days on the antibiotic and steroids (Monday with one week of school left), I still was feeling crummy. I checked my oxygen and noticed that it was low--running at about 90-94%. I'm pretty positive the cold had turned into pneumonia. Even walking from my bedroom to my living room made me winded. It took me two-th…